Quick Newsflash

In the past months so much has happened. Slowly teaching is improving day, by day. Although I came here with no experience, - . - through daily teaching I definitely understand better how difficult, how challenging teaching is, how rewarding it is, but also I question a bit now if it is the way I should walk in this life.

Regarding the faith. Wow. Let's see back in April I started to go to OEM, Onnuri English Ministry. And within the first month, the series of sermons they started then on Romans 12 was exceptionally encouraging and convicting. In whole I understand better what it really means to be a Christian.

For the sermons I heard. The link below is the Pastor I have been listening to each Sunday. He is exceptionally encouraging but also convicting. He really challenges us to not be Sunday Christians, but to truly live out our life for Christ. As Romans 12: 1-2 (Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.) Basically what struck me most was - if we surrender our life to God, then and only then can God show is good, pleasing and perfect will in our lives.

http://www.eddiebyun.com/sermons.html

So for some time I was filled with that fire.

But recently to be honest, the fire has been dying, the consuming fire of that time in me, the passion I had has been smoldered. But through this trial, this time of doubt - the deepest I have ever had I have learned that as Thomas A. Kempis says

But the man who is wise and whose spirit is well instructed stands superior to these changes. He pays no attention to what he feels in himself or from what quarter the wind of fickleness blows, so long as the whole intention of his mind is conducive to his proper and desired end. For thus he can stand undivided, unchanged, and unshaken, with the singleness of his intention directed unwaveringly toward Me, even in the midst of so many changing events. And the purer this singleness of intention is, with so much the more constancy does he pass through many storms. (Chapter 33, Book 3 - Internal Consolation)

It is interesting that even though there was doubt of God. Months ago when I felt I received a mission from God -that dream - there was no doubt. :) I must keep going, for though there is doubt in all of our lives, our faith (however little of it) must drive us to keep going.

I have also read (A Little History of the World by E.H. Gombrich) It was the most interesting history book I have read, and it does a concise but informative overview of the world. I suggest all of you pick it up.

That's it for now. Hopefully it won't be months until the next post. >.<

Good Friday ---> Loving Hut

Good Friday

I woke up. I heard the rain pattering outside. There was no hint of the sun breaking through the clouds today. Another depressing day, I was in no mood to teach children. But nevertheless the doorbell will ring in an hour or so. As I said "Good Morning" to the director, and coworker - there was an unusual tension, perhaps they are just extra serious, and somber because of Good Friday, because they are seriously thinking about how 2000 years ago, Christ died on the cross. I thought maybe I should take this day more seriously.

Everyone is wearing black, even the children. The Christian parents dressed their children in black. The activities for the day revolved around Good Friday. We had communion, the craft was a crown of thorns with toothpicks. I thought the craft was too serious.

As the day wound to an end. My coworker and director spoke in the car for maybe two hours. I can only imagine what is going on. What they are discussing, what they are unhappy about considering each other. I tell myself it doesn't matter, it doesn't involve me. But their tension changes the environment, changes the feeling at the school, I did not want it to last any longer. I was curious.

Six o' clock. Time to go to church for the Good Friday service. I told my coworker I did not want to go. She told me to go. Part of me really disliked this, I thought I can do what I want. But I went to church. I tried to pray. I felt far from God, empty words come out of my mouth. After church, I hurried home. I was glad there are wonderful people at church whom noticed my unusual demeanor.

I went for a run at 11:oo PM. At the Hangang I ran past what seems to be a battalion of soldiers marching. How strange they marched on public grounds. It sent uneasy feelings given the situation between North and South Korea right now. The soldiers' eyes, each one of them stared at me. I am about their age, but such different circumstances. I ran freely, while they marched with their heavy packs. Their eyes made me run past them faster and faster.

Suddenly "Lord Have Mercy" played on my Ipod, or suddenly I noticed the lyrics.

"Jesus I forgotten the words that you have spoken, promises that burn within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I followed the path of earthly wisdom, forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. I have built an altar, I worship the things of man, I have taken journey's that have drawn me far from you, now I am returning to your mercies ever flowing, part of my transgressions helped me to love you again. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. I have longed to know you, and all the tender mercies, like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end. So I bound my heart for you, in the goodness of your presence, your grace forever shining, like a beacon in the night. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy on me, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me."

This was my prayer. Lord have mercy on me. During prayers at church, I prayed and tried to remember all the times that God was good to me. But it had no effect. Thinking about the past did not affect me. Tonight, after this song, after listening to it countless times, God was telling me, " I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except for me. (John 14:6)

Loving Hut Restaurant

Never has a meal made me feel more depressed. Yesterday, my family ( director's family, myself and a coworker) stumbled into a vegan restaurant. As I walked up the well-lit stairs, I felt strange.

The food looked mediocre, and tasted tolerable. The problem with the restaurant was not the food, but the SUPREME MASTER TV that was playing the whole time. A series of images and numbers designed to scare and manipulate. A series of images and numbers detailing the pain the world has suffered due to wars, to natural disasters, and other causes of death. The solution as advertised by SUPREME MASTER TV is to follow Ching Hai, a spiritual leader who claims that, (in her own words) 1. Be Green, 2. Be Veg, and 3. Be Love will solve all the world's problems, and will rid the world of natural disasters. I do not disagree that being green and vegan may be beneficial, but certainly will not solve all the world's conflicts. I left dinner and unhappy and depressed.

Curious, as soon as I arrived home I searched for Ching Hai. To her credit, she has ostentatiously donated her wealth from her clothing line, jewelry line, restaurant line, to many charities. Although many of the donations, the charities claim never arrived. "How can anyone believe this?" How can anyone be in such a stupor?

----

I said the same thing to the Christianity, only a few years ago. The grievances of the Christian church are countless. Christians are equally guilty of spiritual and religious stupor.

But having walked to this point with Christ, and as my conviction grows; I hope that I never fall into spiritual or religious stupor. And only follow how Jesus lived his life, and the Truth.

Proverbs 3:21

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.

grocery shopping

I have walked down countless grocery store aisles. A Hy-vee in Iowa is the same as a Pricechopper in Vermont and a Safeway in Maryland. I have walked down the aisles of far too many Super Walmarts. Grocery shopping in the United States is a mundane task. Food is advertised by its cardboard packaging. In Korea when I first ventured into Lottemart, I was delighted. There were a new variety of vegetables, fruit, seafood, and meat. But try actually shopping there, and you can only hear the din of the grocery store workers shouting advertisements. Even though I could not understand what they were screaming, the noise from their lips only gave me a headache. This is not a criticism of individual workers, but the fact that their job requires for them to scream ads about squid, beef, and fish. Shopping at Lottemart makes me miss the phony soft music of grocery stores in the US.

A few weeks ago, I walked through a street market in Incheon. Instead of fake cardboard advertisements, fresh seafood, beef, pork, fruit, vegetables advertised itself. You didn’t see a picture of perfect food, but saw real food. Beef was not packaged into nice plastic packages, oranges were not perfect spheres, fish was not sold in fillets, and dried goods were not packaged with a enlarged picture to show the texture. The aroma, a mixture of meat, seafood, fruit and vegetables, and a small bakery, was surprisingly nice. The experience was real. All five senses were engaged in this grocery shopping experience. You can see and smell the ripeness of a fruit, not the letters R-I-P-E or the Korean equivalent. You can see that the fish is fresh, because they kill it in front of you, not because it says GUARANTEED FRESH TASTE on a cardboard box.

As I was walking through this market with a friend, suddenly we were stopped. My friend taught the children of one of the vendors, and spontaneously we were invited for coffee, and Korean melon. At once I felt the friendliness of this family, and the fruit they were selling is not just fruit anymore, but the labor of this family. And happily we walk away with a bag of fruit, after coffee and a little bit of catching up.

Life has just been the same the last couple weeks here in Korea. School is getting better and better, although sometimes class time is still plagued with confusion, and thus my guilt for having not better prepared or thought about the lesson for the day. But day by day, things are getting better, and the children are becoming more and more responsive to the English lessons.

*****

Working at a preschool brings its tiny moments of enjoyment everyday, sometimes this takes the form of teachers discussing students' quirks and noticing their personality, but other times, it involves me posing to be a scary dinosaur behind a girl who unknowingly is the victim of the photograph. To make things more amusing this girl is let's just say, not accustomed an man teaching kindergarten, who can't understand or speak a word of her language. She is a sly little girl, being friendly and allowing me to help her, when the other teacher's are not around, but as soon as others are around she whines, and says she doesn't like me. Oh does she know how to get her way and manipulate everyone around here.

*****

I love Korean coffee shops. Whether it is Starbucks, or a small hidden coffee shop on a side street like Maru 62, each one creates spaces perfect for socializing, or sitting down with a good book. Most of the are quite quiet, and the patrons are respectful of each other. A favorite dessert now is honey butter bread with a ton of whipped cream on top. And with the sheer number of coffee shops, there is not too much of a competition for seats. Oh and the internet is never spotty.

*****
I love Paris Baguette because their cakes are delicious. I love 떡 복 이, I find myself craving this stuff more and more. I love BBQ Chicken, or any of the other chicken joints which are ubiquitous in Korea, for 15,000 Won, I can get a whole chicken, breaded and fried to perfection.

More later!!!

March 12, 2011

March 12, 2011

9:15 PM:

With a soft, melodious piano and saxophone, a strong, sincere voice sings quietly about love. In the silent coffee shop, it feels as if the artist is whispering his thoughts in my ear. Around me, the wooden decor makes this corner coffee shop in Seoul, warm and welcoming. On the shelves, beautifully made wooden serving trays are on sale. Empty wine bottles on the shelves, make me think about the conversations these bottles heard late into the night, but can never utter. The ambience is just perfect. Above incandescent lights illuminate the room just enough to read, casting a shadow of my hand, with pen in hand writing this entry in a notebook first. The sound of the espresso machine, with it's whirr and clank, brings me back to the Java House in Iowa City. The Java House, where I spent many hours studying, or conversing with old friends. But unlike the Java House, this place is silent. Out of the patrons that are here, they are respectful, talking quietly amongst themselves.

This has been one of the few times, that I have not been at work. And I absolutely treasure this moment. At times, the soft jingle of the bells on the entrance door remind me that I am still at a coffee shop, because here it is so easy to be lost in my thoughts, and to forget about where I am, or what I should be doing. I just heard "Oh, Oh let's get lost..."

Recently God has been challenging me to love more. Work has been quite challenging in terms of hours spent, and just the initial distance of the children. The first couple of days were really hard, I was so frustrated because I could not understand the children, nor could they understand me. I realized during the first lesson, it would be more difficult to teach, children with no English background then I thought. But the end of the week was refreshing, it was energizing. Most of the children felt more comfortable with me, and I have started to gain their trust. But no matter how difficult or exhausting work is, God has told me to persevere, to love, and to do everything, and anything to help this business, to help this family, and to just to develop a servant's mind here. God has truly brought me here for a reason, and that is to train to for whatever the future beholds.

Recently, I have realized my parent's love more and more. I keep remembering how much effort they made to spend time with me. And truly I appreciate those moments more and more. It seems that lost memories, suddenly manifested themselves in my mind. I remember trips to the ski resort with my father, or time in the garden, the hours spent reading and studying with my mother. So in my heart there is only love, and gratefulness fo their love when I was young, even though they were surely busy.

What a relaxing time. Hopefully I will be back here again.

Dajeon, China, Korea

Just a thought about Christianity. Perhaps the power of Christianity, and a close Christian community is in our words. Each one of us have our opinions about other people. Let's be honest whether you state it or not is besides the point. And at times we want to share these opinions. But from the teachings of Christ, most of us try to at least not speak, and pray about the situations between people. (Let's just say, I have been guilty of the opposite many times, but still trying to change) But once a bond is felt, is created - through prayer and patience, some Christians will speak their mind, with love and sincerity. And hopefully the other person, humble and open to the thoughts of their brother or sister in Christ, will listen attentively to those thoughts, and really think about changing their life according to the advice received. And with this, within a community of Christians there is change and more love for one another. (This comment is not intended to take away from God's power to change us, but I believe a process of change is above) But the flip side of this, is that within a community of Christians, more often than not there is mistrust, dishonesty, and people pretending to be people they are not.

****

One thing that I have absolutely come to admire about Korea, is it's recycling program. I have been told it is the law separate paper, plastic and biodegradable items in the trash. That is not the admirable part, but everyone here I have met, and the trash they produce - truly try their best to separate the three categories to make it easier for the workers whom I suppose pick up the trash, and recycling. Even if such a law is enacted in the United States, very few would actually follow and obey the law. The simple matter of recycling I think is a reflection on the whole country in general.

Comparing China and Korea, now both developed nations, I truly enjoy my time in Korea more. As of now, I have spent more time in Korea than China, after I moved away from China when I was five years old. But each time, I have went back to China, I see chaos. As people board the bus, the subway, the train, I simply see chaos. Arguably China has more people at those places, but many times in the Seoul subway system, or bus system there I believe is a similar density of people at all needing to board a bus or subway. In China, there is only a hectic rush and push and shove into the bus. But here in Korea, there also is a rush, but without the hectic rush. No one is pushing, no one is yelling, no one is being sandwiched between two people.

****

I went to Dajeon yesterday by bus, for a seminar for work. I was pleasantly surprised at the ease at which it is to travel between cities here. It was only 10,000 won from Seoul to Dajeon, and a nice 1.5 hour nap. The bus was clean, the bus was not crowded, and the view of the countryside in Korea was refreshing. Comparing the country between China and Korea, there seems to be not too much of a difference, but to my surprise, along the way, I saw two castle structures in the middle of the country - but to my disapointment both structures only said motel.

In Dajeon, the seminar was at a small church. At the seminar, I was told it was a gathering of 12 small churches. They were gathered to learn about Christian education from my director. Yesterday, I observed two important things. The first being the passion, the director here has for Christian education. During the seminar, I really saw in her face, her passion and her willingness to sacrifice for this mission. Although, to be honest, the mere amount of stuff that needs to be done everyday is not the best for her family. I respect her passion and sacrifices nonetheless. And second observation occurred over the past month here. We hear a lot about the large super mega duper churches in Korea. But while attending a small church, and seeing many more small churches, I believe the heart of Christianity here in Korea are in these churches. To see so many people gathered yesterday, passionate about bringing change in their own churches, and really changing the community around them was so encouraging. These pastors cannot possibly earn much money, or any at that, but it is a life of faith for them.

****

Busy Busy Busy

Wow it has been ten days since I have last posted, and the last ten days have been busy busy busy. But one thing that I find most interesting is the ease of going to the hospital here in Korea. At the sign of any cold symptoms, my coworkers run to the hospital. And within a few hours, they come back with medicine, or whatever treatment they need. It really makes me question, and see the reality of the health care system in the USA. In the US, to me the hospital is the last resort, I am willing to try anything to cure a sickness, whether that be flu, cold or some minor infection at home before I run to the hospital. I dread the calls ahead of time to make an appointment, I dread the long hours in the waiting rooms, knowing that the air you breathe puts you more at risk for being sick.

~~~

Church has been most refreshing spiritually and emotionally. The other night, after some frustrations at work - I went to church for prayer meeting. And in the small group prayer meeting, I feel that I experienced true fellowship with people I only met a month ago. During the time we were talking about 1st John, Chapters One to Three, and from what I heard from a translator - people were simply honest with their insecurities, their problems, there was trust I have never felt before, there was honesty I have never experienced before. Everyone was unified, everyone was sincere, everyone was true - and that just brought so much joy. What I experienced in that group - I have only experienced before with a few close friends privately. Never in such a large group. It is so encouraging.

~~~

More later........

Random Thoughts

For lack of better terms, my host father Mr. Seo is a businessman at SK. And he works morning to late night, every day. I rarely see him, he never eats at home, and his children never see him either, except for the weekends. This lifestyle reminds me of my dad during his residency, but Mr. Seo is much more busy. I have been told this is the life of Korean business man, I cannot imagine, so many men and women in this country working this way, day in and day out. It must be exhausting, but it seems to me, that Mr. Seo returns home with a smile each day, and a peaceful look on his face, he never looks stressed, though I am sure he is, nor does he look too tired. As a man, nearing 50 I believe, it is amazing. I don't know the schedules or demands of businessmen in other countries, but the demands on Mr. Seo, I have never seen before. But on a lighter note, one night he came home late, because he decided to go play Starcraft 2, with his colleagues from work, until 2 or 3 AM.

To be honest, I work all day here. Though it never feels like work, because, A.) everyone else is working just as hard, and it is quite fun to be working with a purpose, and B.) the people here at work are really fun, though stressed, we find time to laugh and tell jokes. Everything though stressful, feels less like work but a family collaboration. My co-workers and I are all working very hard for the opening of school and also, several other endeavors planned in the future. I am enjoying every moment, here, but I do miss kids, of course soon they will be scampering here - I haven't extensively interacted with children for more than a month, and everything just seems too quiet. I am anxious, nervous, at times while writing curriculum, sudden pangs of uncertainty hit, and I am not confident of what I am doing, but with some prayer, and more reading, once again I am at peace. But the first day of school will be tough, I think, having never worked with children with no experience in English, there must be other ways to reach these children, and my toughest challenge is to find those ways. Although of what I have done so far, my supervisor approved of, I think a lesson plan always has room for improvement.

I read an interesting article today, about how Egypt practically shut off all the internet during the protests for a few days during the revolution. Egypt, having been an authoritarian state, controls its networks via the government. China, has a history of censorship of course, but they too have the power to shut off the web for specific regions. What a scary thought, instead of the government controlling what we hear, or see, or learn, instead they can completely cut off all information exchange, in and out of the country. Everyone should check out this link of the article...
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/29/technology/internet/29cutoff.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=egypt,%20internet&st=cse


Argh, it is 2AM. I don't know what I am typing anymore. But one last thought, two things that has affected me the past couple days is Hebrews chapters 6 to 11, and Interlude 5 in MTV Unplugged 2.0 by Lauryn Hill. Both have redefined, or reminded me of this faith I profess. In Hebrews chapters 6 to 11, it is a summary of the new covenant, and what the death of Christ means in the covenant, and also it is a call to persevere, and a call for us to serve God. In Interlude 5, Ms. Hill, defines what I believe the inner life of a Christian is. I don't know whether she is a Christian or not, but obviously she has some background in the church, and has important insight into the human condition.

What I see

Sitting comfortably while riding the second of the Seoul subway system, I stared out into space. Early Sunday morning, I wondered where everyone was heading. But in this city filled with technophiles, everyone else was looking down, gazing at the glowing screens of their portable devices, which I dare not call cellphones any longer. Because these devices function as TVs, MP3s, gaming devices and other applications I probably cannot think of. The girl to the far right, is clearly distressed by what is on her screen. While the woman sitting directly ahead is giggling softly at the program she is watching. The man next to her, with a slant of his eye, is watching the same program on her 'cellphone' unamused. He stares for a good 15 minutes without her noticing. Those whom are not enthralled by three to four inch screens are in slumbering away. This all makes me wonder, what my face shows at various times? Is there someone in this subway car, observing as I am, and making innocent judgments on their fellow commuters.


Although I have not spent much time at all in front of the TV here, the few times I have caught a glance of it, and with some explanation, I am puzzled by the amount of shows that make fun of people or point out features and generally just make judgments on the contestants ( the best word I can find) on these shows. In one show, a series of women are put against each other, while they compare how healthy they are, if they can break a gourd over their head, or how sexy they are in the photo they send in. In another show, a group of 'boys' stand to be ridiculed, while the announcers discuss which one of the 'boys' is a real girl. Finally, another show brings up middle-aged women, who clearly spend way too much time or money on their appearances because they look younger than their kids who are in their twenties. Honestly, I am sure these shows are amusing, but to what purpose?

Walking down the streets of Seoul, mostly everyone looks normal. Having been fore-warned that people like to dress nicely here, I have not been too shocked when I see people on the street. Never have I seen sweatpants, or a general slothful look that is so common on a college campus. But, never have I seen men, who clearly spent way too much time in front of the mirror in the morning. Often they are better and more intricately dressed than the women they are walking with. Basically, here I will always look like I just rolled out of bed.

la separación

la separación
una memoria débil
en mi asiento del coche,
las nubes hinchadas,
el cielo azul,
pío, pío, pío
pasaron los pájaros.

la liberación del asiento,
en los brazos de mi mama,
en mi mano, mi juguete favorito,
un dinosaurio,
un coche rojo,
apreté

una cara extraña,
una sonrisa grande,
tengo miedo.

Mi mama liberó su brazo,
Me regaló a ala cara extraña...

"¿Quién es esta?
Un olor extraño
Mi corazón late aceleradamente
Por qué mi mama me regala
Mi mama deja el cuarto
Mis ojos, mi garganta
lloran y lloran y lloran"

Una día fresco,
por mi espalda,
mi nueva mochila.
En mi mano,
mi nueva caja de almuerzo.
Mi otra mano,
siento el amor de mi mama,
en mi mano, su mano.
Entró en los corredores de la escuela,
por las paredes,
muchos colores,
de los animales,
de las letras,
de los números.
Muchas sonrisas,
de los maestros,
de los adults.
Los chicos, las chicas
todas son caras nerviosas.
Alrededor de la esquina,
los números 372, mi clase.

Otro vez, mi mama
Me deja con otro extranjero.

"¿Cuánto tiempo más?
Cuando mis padres me dejan...
en un sitio nuevo
en una escuela nueva
¿Cuántas veces más?
Necesito entrar en un mundo nuevo
Necesito dejar en ambiente familiar"

- Andrew Luo

recent conversations

One morning, through spotty communication lines, the director here and I engaged in a deep conversation about Christian education. Personally I was not brought up in a Christian family, my family went to church off and on, but none of us really engaged in a meaningful relationship with Christ until recently. Therefore, growing up, sure I had a moral compass and knew what was generally right and what was generally wrong, but I do not think it was as firm as children brought up in the church with faithful families.

In turn, especially in the past I have not been a "good Christian boy". I have made many mistakes in my life, none of which I especially regret, but wished it did not happen the way it did. But two or three years ago, with the help of a friend, I was reintroduced to the Christian faith once again. And selfishly, in an attempt to understand my fellow friends at that time, honestly an attempt to fit in more, I consciously decided to give this Christian faith another try. And to my surprise, God's Word, and the people around me truly made me more fulfilled and at peace than ever before. So in a time of desperation, I believe now, God opened my heart in that way (with selfish thoughts) but He still entered, and I feel that my experience with God is nothing more than a realization of how empty I was before, and how much more fulfilled I have been in the past few years.

That is my life. As I examine and look at the lives of people I know who have been brought up with the Christian faith, in faithful families one thing I worry about is this. With Christian education, the moral compass is clearly defined, either by social conventions at the church, God's Word, parental expectations, whatever it might be, I believe it is more clearly defined. A picture is painted of this world, this is good, and that is bad. And the general feeling, I felt a a youth, and what youth I believe generally feel is that the elder figures at church are perfect. This black and white picture is painted of everyone at church, and there is no one in the gray. Most of the children, being perhaps creatures who want to make their parents happy, abide to the social conventions, God's Word, or parental expectations, live by the moral compass of their church. But as soon as they move away, leave the town, for college for example, without the social pressures, the moral compass falls apart, and many lifelong church goers leave the faith and never return. I wondered why this is? My conclusion was that the Gospel is taught, God is full of love, God is full of grace, God is full of mercy. But let's be honest, many churches are not loving, graceful or merciful. How a youth is cast out as soon as a mistake is made is obvious to any observer. So for many of these youth, I feel that even after almost two decades of church and God, they never experience God's love present in supposedly God's people. And after two decades of people proclaiming God's love, God's ability to fill us, God's mercy and God's grace, when they do not feel it, one conclusion is that this God is not real, and given the choice, or the temptations they leave the church, never to return to the faith.

As I think about who has really touched me in my life, I realize that it is the people who are honest with themselves, and people who are honest to others. This honesty, I refer to, is well defined by Thomas a Kempis in The Imitation of Christ "...a humble knowledge of ourselves..." These people who have touched me, some were Christians, some were not, but regardless, they were confident enough to share their true feelings, their true desires, their true thoughts, to me. And in turn, I felt closeness, and you can say a love for them.

Naturally my thoughts gravitate to the Christian church and the community that is formed within a church. As Colossians 3:12 -14 states "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." The church needs to be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, and all that is stated in this passage. There must be love and perfect unity. Many churches to say the least are not like this. I do not think churches are malicious, by any means, but the body being made up of humans, and naturally we are so selfish and prideful - unknowingly create an atmosphere of judgment and condemnation, not love and forgiveness. I think about how I have felt the love of others, and as stated, it was due to their honesty, so in turn I think as congregation members wherever we may be, to create unity, and for their to be love in a congregation, we have to be honest and true to each other. We must be able to share our deepest secrets, with no sense of a threat from others (in fear of judgment) when we share those intimate details that are hidden.

So, I think the challenge of any church, or Christian education is to genuinely develop a community with love, and forgiveness and honesty, and these youth that grow up in its walls feel a real sense of community and unity. If they feel this from elders at the church, pastors, teachers, and other leaders, or especially their friends, even when mistakes are made, they know who to turn to, and they know who will love and forgive them, regardless of what they have done. And whatever trials or difficulties they encounter, in the future, they know that the Christian community, an authentic Christian community can provide that sense of comfort and peace and love. And no matter how rational we may be, how many arguments are there against the faith, we are emotional creatures, and when we feel that despair, when we feel that loneliness, we look for things to fill our emptiness, and as children who grew up in the church, if they felt that when they were young, will... I believe turn back to the church and the faith to feel its comfort and joy. If when they were young, church was a judgmental environment, church and its people will be the last thing on their minds.

In my life, I realized explicitly that this faith is supposed to be full of self-reflection. The more we honestly think about ourselves, we will know why we do things. To finish the quote from Thomas a Kempis "Therefore, a humble knowledge of ourselves is a surer way to God than is the search for depth of learning." As Christians, we strive to have this personal relationship with God, but what does it really mean? In our prayers we are supposed to be genuine and true to God, for God is all-knowing already, and all-powerful, and we can share our deepest secrets with Him, and through this, we really come to a realization about ourselves, and through this realization, we know ourselves better, and with better knowledge of ourselves, I feel we can draw closer and depend on God more, we realize how low and desperate we are, and at least I have sought God out more.

Just my thoughts from the past few days. I apologize if it is confusing and hard to follow.

Last Day of Camp

As the day started, I was nervous and uneasy, it would be my first time encountering Korean children, who only knew Korean. And yet I was supposed to teach a lesson. But as I met the kids, at the winter camp, my nervousness soon ebbed away. Although they probably did not understand all that I was saying, I realized that it was okay because it was in God's hands.

But the day was filled with so many surprises, never have I met children so well behaved and ready to listen to the teachers. The highlights of the day included a snowball fight, and snowman making contest outside, and also a cooking competition between the classes. Especially during this time, I really saw how well children can work together, and how competent they are working in classes, and teams.

On spiritual note, God is definitely challenging me here. As many of you know, I have a very inquisitive faith. Many times, I have doubts and questions, but what I have found to work for me, is a daily walk with God. I need to spend time with God to grow and even keep the relationship. Perhaps just being around people here, who have such a pure faith, and is working to do good with it, is influencing me, but I am just being challenged each moment to evaluate my own faith.

One passage in the Bible that has really helped me is Romans 10: 2- 4 "For I testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes" Many times I believe that I sought to create my own righteousness, but I am being challenged here of what I believe, and how it can grow to become more true to the Word of God.

At first I was questioning the rhetoric used at times at the school. Things are painted to be black and white, and the only good is God's Word, and all that is bad is the world. But what I realized, and have come to respect is that what the director here and others are trying to do, is to help children grow up with God as their center. Realistically it is such an impossible fight, the world bombards each one of us with distractions from God. But the director here, and others are trying to go purely against this. To have such a pure passion, at a mature age, when they all have seen the world, probably became cynical, is so pure. If it is an impossible fight, it is still one worth fighting. And I am blessed to be here, and learn here. Yes there are still questions, but even with doubts, the fight to bring up loving children is a good and worthwhile battle.

The last couple days have been quite eventful. Yesterday, I went skiing at www.starhillresort.com or Mt.Cheonmasan Ski Resort. Although the resort was not big, never have I been at any place with so many people who look alike, I didn't realize until the last couple days perhaps how much I may stand out in the United States. Also while sitting on a ski lift with a stranger, made me realize how useless I am, all I could manage to respond when the stranger spoke to me was "I don't speak Korean" and upon further inquiry from his part I only said "miguk" while pointing to myself. Of course the conversation ended there.

Today I went to "Nameless Community Church" a very small and warm church. Never have I met so many people able to speak different languages. There were several Koreans, speaking very good Chinese, and another speaking French and some Spanish. Most of them spoke very good English also. Everyone was very kind and nice. Here I can practice my Korean, Chinese and English.

After church, I walked by Lotte World, you know seeing those pictures of Eddie on Facebook in Lotte World, I thought it was like Disney World where it was kind of secluded from the city, never did I realize it was in the middle of Seoul. After walking by Lotte World, we went to an underground market, I forgot what it was called, but one of the shops was Kyobo Bookstore.


Anyways, a more thoughtful post will come soon, just logging in what I did the last couple of days.

First Impressions

As soon as I boarded the plane, I was greeted by primp, proper flight attendants with big smiles! Maybe it was their sky blue uniforms, or their demeanor but it seemed so different from the other international flights I have been on. Everyone on board seemed so calm and happily settling into a 14 hour flight.

Most of the flight was uneventful, so I navigated through my own personal entertainment center and watched The Social Network. The ending scene spoke so truly to I believe many users of Facebook, either desperately seeking the friendship of one person, thinking that with a click on the confirm friendship button, will bring an end to their loneliness. Or others whom religiously garner more friends on Facebook, each friend satisfying a little bit of their solitude. Let's admit it, everyone is guilty to some extent.

But I will stop being emotastic. After the film, I started a conversation with a nearby passenger, and soon discovered that she too was a fan of Murakami. And then we talked about our time in college, faith and religion, all while playing against each other on In Flight Tetris. But soon the slumber hit, and I dozed off with the rumble of those engines ubiquitously roaring.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. As soon as the plane landed, I retrieved my luggage, and after a minor mishap, everything was there. I met with the Teacher Kim, the other teacher Joyce, and stepped outside, I was impressed by Korea. Even in rush hour traffic in Seoul, although there were many cars, there seemed to be a sort of organization in everything. All the drivers were polite and there was no honking. Even the cityscape of Seoul seemed to be well designed and organized. There was a sense of peace to everything.

As we made our way from the airport to Guri, I realized that I would be here for one year. Dinner was fabulous. We went to a restaurant and had kalbi (spelling??). I was very surprised to see that each dinner table was on the floor and everyone sat on their bottoms to eat. But it was comfortable. We went home and I slept.

The next day we met with a Publisher and a Korean missionary in France, more and more do I realize how much I need to learn Korean. >.< But I feel that my reading is improving already, but my vocabulary and speaking needs a miracle. During the afternoon, we picked up Moon at the airport. All in all a good first couple days. Spiritually I feel that it will be a good year, I am impressed by so many faithful stewards here, and hope that this year will be a year of much growth with Christ.

More to come later.
Andrew