Quick Newsflash

In the past months so much has happened. Slowly teaching is improving day, by day. Although I came here with no experience, - . - through daily teaching I definitely understand better how difficult, how challenging teaching is, how rewarding it is, but also I question a bit now if it is the way I should walk in this life.

Regarding the faith. Wow. Let's see back in April I started to go to OEM, Onnuri English Ministry. And within the first month, the series of sermons they started then on Romans 12 was exceptionally encouraging and convicting. In whole I understand better what it really means to be a Christian.

For the sermons I heard. The link below is the Pastor I have been listening to each Sunday. He is exceptionally encouraging but also convicting. He really challenges us to not be Sunday Christians, but to truly live out our life for Christ. As Romans 12: 1-2 (Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.) Basically what struck me most was - if we surrender our life to God, then and only then can God show is good, pleasing and perfect will in our lives.

http://www.eddiebyun.com/sermons.html

So for some time I was filled with that fire.

But recently to be honest, the fire has been dying, the consuming fire of that time in me, the passion I had has been smoldered. But through this trial, this time of doubt - the deepest I have ever had I have learned that as Thomas A. Kempis says

But the man who is wise and whose spirit is well instructed stands superior to these changes. He pays no attention to what he feels in himself or from what quarter the wind of fickleness blows, so long as the whole intention of his mind is conducive to his proper and desired end. For thus he can stand undivided, unchanged, and unshaken, with the singleness of his intention directed unwaveringly toward Me, even in the midst of so many changing events. And the purer this singleness of intention is, with so much the more constancy does he pass through many storms. (Chapter 33, Book 3 - Internal Consolation)

It is interesting that even though there was doubt of God. Months ago when I felt I received a mission from God -that dream - there was no doubt. :) I must keep going, for though there is doubt in all of our lives, our faith (however little of it) must drive us to keep going.

I have also read (A Little History of the World by E.H. Gombrich) It was the most interesting history book I have read, and it does a concise but informative overview of the world. I suggest all of you pick it up.

That's it for now. Hopefully it won't be months until the next post. >.<

Good Friday ---> Loving Hut

Good Friday

I woke up. I heard the rain pattering outside. There was no hint of the sun breaking through the clouds today. Another depressing day, I was in no mood to teach children. But nevertheless the doorbell will ring in an hour or so. As I said "Good Morning" to the director, and coworker - there was an unusual tension, perhaps they are just extra serious, and somber because of Good Friday, because they are seriously thinking about how 2000 years ago, Christ died on the cross. I thought maybe I should take this day more seriously.

Everyone is wearing black, even the children. The Christian parents dressed their children in black. The activities for the day revolved around Good Friday. We had communion, the craft was a crown of thorns with toothpicks. I thought the craft was too serious.

As the day wound to an end. My coworker and director spoke in the car for maybe two hours. I can only imagine what is going on. What they are discussing, what they are unhappy about considering each other. I tell myself it doesn't matter, it doesn't involve me. But their tension changes the environment, changes the feeling at the school, I did not want it to last any longer. I was curious.

Six o' clock. Time to go to church for the Good Friday service. I told my coworker I did not want to go. She told me to go. Part of me really disliked this, I thought I can do what I want. But I went to church. I tried to pray. I felt far from God, empty words come out of my mouth. After church, I hurried home. I was glad there are wonderful people at church whom noticed my unusual demeanor.

I went for a run at 11:oo PM. At the Hangang I ran past what seems to be a battalion of soldiers marching. How strange they marched on public grounds. It sent uneasy feelings given the situation between North and South Korea right now. The soldiers' eyes, each one of them stared at me. I am about their age, but such different circumstances. I ran freely, while they marched with their heavy packs. Their eyes made me run past them faster and faster.

Suddenly "Lord Have Mercy" played on my Ipod, or suddenly I noticed the lyrics.

"Jesus I forgotten the words that you have spoken, promises that burn within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I followed the path of earthly wisdom, forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. I have built an altar, I worship the things of man, I have taken journey's that have drawn me far from you, now I am returning to your mercies ever flowing, part of my transgressions helped me to love you again. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. I have longed to know you, and all the tender mercies, like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end. So I bound my heart for you, in the goodness of your presence, your grace forever shining, like a beacon in the night. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy on me, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me."

This was my prayer. Lord have mercy on me. During prayers at church, I prayed and tried to remember all the times that God was good to me. But it had no effect. Thinking about the past did not affect me. Tonight, after this song, after listening to it countless times, God was telling me, " I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except for me. (John 14:6)

Loving Hut Restaurant

Never has a meal made me feel more depressed. Yesterday, my family ( director's family, myself and a coworker) stumbled into a vegan restaurant. As I walked up the well-lit stairs, I felt strange.

The food looked mediocre, and tasted tolerable. The problem with the restaurant was not the food, but the SUPREME MASTER TV that was playing the whole time. A series of images and numbers designed to scare and manipulate. A series of images and numbers detailing the pain the world has suffered due to wars, to natural disasters, and other causes of death. The solution as advertised by SUPREME MASTER TV is to follow Ching Hai, a spiritual leader who claims that, (in her own words) 1. Be Green, 2. Be Veg, and 3. Be Love will solve all the world's problems, and will rid the world of natural disasters. I do not disagree that being green and vegan may be beneficial, but certainly will not solve all the world's conflicts. I left dinner and unhappy and depressed.

Curious, as soon as I arrived home I searched for Ching Hai. To her credit, she has ostentatiously donated her wealth from her clothing line, jewelry line, restaurant line, to many charities. Although many of the donations, the charities claim never arrived. "How can anyone believe this?" How can anyone be in such a stupor?

----

I said the same thing to the Christianity, only a few years ago. The grievances of the Christian church are countless. Christians are equally guilty of spiritual and religious stupor.

But having walked to this point with Christ, and as my conviction grows; I hope that I never fall into spiritual or religious stupor. And only follow how Jesus lived his life, and the Truth.

Proverbs 3:21

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.

grocery shopping

I have walked down countless grocery store aisles. A Hy-vee in Iowa is the same as a Pricechopper in Vermont and a Safeway in Maryland. I have walked down the aisles of far too many Super Walmarts. Grocery shopping in the United States is a mundane task. Food is advertised by its cardboard packaging. In Korea when I first ventured into Lottemart, I was delighted. There were a new variety of vegetables, fruit, seafood, and meat. But try actually shopping there, and you can only hear the din of the grocery store workers shouting advertisements. Even though I could not understand what they were screaming, the noise from their lips only gave me a headache. This is not a criticism of individual workers, but the fact that their job requires for them to scream ads about squid, beef, and fish. Shopping at Lottemart makes me miss the phony soft music of grocery stores in the US.

A few weeks ago, I walked through a street market in Incheon. Instead of fake cardboard advertisements, fresh seafood, beef, pork, fruit, vegetables advertised itself. You didn’t see a picture of perfect food, but saw real food. Beef was not packaged into nice plastic packages, oranges were not perfect spheres, fish was not sold in fillets, and dried goods were not packaged with a enlarged picture to show the texture. The aroma, a mixture of meat, seafood, fruit and vegetables, and a small bakery, was surprisingly nice. The experience was real. All five senses were engaged in this grocery shopping experience. You can see and smell the ripeness of a fruit, not the letters R-I-P-E or the Korean equivalent. You can see that the fish is fresh, because they kill it in front of you, not because it says GUARANTEED FRESH TASTE on a cardboard box.

As I was walking through this market with a friend, suddenly we were stopped. My friend taught the children of one of the vendors, and spontaneously we were invited for coffee, and Korean melon. At once I felt the friendliness of this family, and the fruit they were selling is not just fruit anymore, but the labor of this family. And happily we walk away with a bag of fruit, after coffee and a little bit of catching up.

Life has just been the same the last couple weeks here in Korea. School is getting better and better, although sometimes class time is still plagued with confusion, and thus my guilt for having not better prepared or thought about the lesson for the day. But day by day, things are getting better, and the children are becoming more and more responsive to the English lessons.

*****

Working at a preschool brings its tiny moments of enjoyment everyday, sometimes this takes the form of teachers discussing students' quirks and noticing their personality, but other times, it involves me posing to be a scary dinosaur behind a girl who unknowingly is the victim of the photograph. To make things more amusing this girl is let's just say, not accustomed an man teaching kindergarten, who can't understand or speak a word of her language. She is a sly little girl, being friendly and allowing me to help her, when the other teacher's are not around, but as soon as others are around she whines, and says she doesn't like me. Oh does she know how to get her way and manipulate everyone around here.

*****

I love Korean coffee shops. Whether it is Starbucks, or a small hidden coffee shop on a side street like Maru 62, each one creates spaces perfect for socializing, or sitting down with a good book. Most of the are quite quiet, and the patrons are respectful of each other. A favorite dessert now is honey butter bread with a ton of whipped cream on top. And with the sheer number of coffee shops, there is not too much of a competition for seats. Oh and the internet is never spotty.

*****
I love Paris Baguette because their cakes are delicious. I love 떡 복 이, I find myself craving this stuff more and more. I love BBQ Chicken, or any of the other chicken joints which are ubiquitous in Korea, for 15,000 Won, I can get a whole chicken, breaded and fried to perfection.

More later!!!

March 12, 2011

March 12, 2011

9:15 PM:

With a soft, melodious piano and saxophone, a strong, sincere voice sings quietly about love. In the silent coffee shop, it feels as if the artist is whispering his thoughts in my ear. Around me, the wooden decor makes this corner coffee shop in Seoul, warm and welcoming. On the shelves, beautifully made wooden serving trays are on sale. Empty wine bottles on the shelves, make me think about the conversations these bottles heard late into the night, but can never utter. The ambience is just perfect. Above incandescent lights illuminate the room just enough to read, casting a shadow of my hand, with pen in hand writing this entry in a notebook first. The sound of the espresso machine, with it's whirr and clank, brings me back to the Java House in Iowa City. The Java House, where I spent many hours studying, or conversing with old friends. But unlike the Java House, this place is silent. Out of the patrons that are here, they are respectful, talking quietly amongst themselves.

This has been one of the few times, that I have not been at work. And I absolutely treasure this moment. At times, the soft jingle of the bells on the entrance door remind me that I am still at a coffee shop, because here it is so easy to be lost in my thoughts, and to forget about where I am, or what I should be doing. I just heard "Oh, Oh let's get lost..."

Recently God has been challenging me to love more. Work has been quite challenging in terms of hours spent, and just the initial distance of the children. The first couple of days were really hard, I was so frustrated because I could not understand the children, nor could they understand me. I realized during the first lesson, it would be more difficult to teach, children with no English background then I thought. But the end of the week was refreshing, it was energizing. Most of the children felt more comfortable with me, and I have started to gain their trust. But no matter how difficult or exhausting work is, God has told me to persevere, to love, and to do everything, and anything to help this business, to help this family, and to just to develop a servant's mind here. God has truly brought me here for a reason, and that is to train to for whatever the future beholds.

Recently, I have realized my parent's love more and more. I keep remembering how much effort they made to spend time with me. And truly I appreciate those moments more and more. It seems that lost memories, suddenly manifested themselves in my mind. I remember trips to the ski resort with my father, or time in the garden, the hours spent reading and studying with my mother. So in my heart there is only love, and gratefulness fo their love when I was young, even though they were surely busy.

What a relaxing time. Hopefully I will be back here again.

Dajeon, China, Korea

Just a thought about Christianity. Perhaps the power of Christianity, and a close Christian community is in our words. Each one of us have our opinions about other people. Let's be honest whether you state it or not is besides the point. And at times we want to share these opinions. But from the teachings of Christ, most of us try to at least not speak, and pray about the situations between people. (Let's just say, I have been guilty of the opposite many times, but still trying to change) But once a bond is felt, is created - through prayer and patience, some Christians will speak their mind, with love and sincerity. And hopefully the other person, humble and open to the thoughts of their brother or sister in Christ, will listen attentively to those thoughts, and really think about changing their life according to the advice received. And with this, within a community of Christians there is change and more love for one another. (This comment is not intended to take away from God's power to change us, but I believe a process of change is above) But the flip side of this, is that within a community of Christians, more often than not there is mistrust, dishonesty, and people pretending to be people they are not.

****

One thing that I have absolutely come to admire about Korea, is it's recycling program. I have been told it is the law separate paper, plastic and biodegradable items in the trash. That is not the admirable part, but everyone here I have met, and the trash they produce - truly try their best to separate the three categories to make it easier for the workers whom I suppose pick up the trash, and recycling. Even if such a law is enacted in the United States, very few would actually follow and obey the law. The simple matter of recycling I think is a reflection on the whole country in general.

Comparing China and Korea, now both developed nations, I truly enjoy my time in Korea more. As of now, I have spent more time in Korea than China, after I moved away from China when I was five years old. But each time, I have went back to China, I see chaos. As people board the bus, the subway, the train, I simply see chaos. Arguably China has more people at those places, but many times in the Seoul subway system, or bus system there I believe is a similar density of people at all needing to board a bus or subway. In China, there is only a hectic rush and push and shove into the bus. But here in Korea, there also is a rush, but without the hectic rush. No one is pushing, no one is yelling, no one is being sandwiched between two people.

****

I went to Dajeon yesterday by bus, for a seminar for work. I was pleasantly surprised at the ease at which it is to travel between cities here. It was only 10,000 won from Seoul to Dajeon, and a nice 1.5 hour nap. The bus was clean, the bus was not crowded, and the view of the countryside in Korea was refreshing. Comparing the country between China and Korea, there seems to be not too much of a difference, but to my surprise, along the way, I saw two castle structures in the middle of the country - but to my disapointment both structures only said motel.

In Dajeon, the seminar was at a small church. At the seminar, I was told it was a gathering of 12 small churches. They were gathered to learn about Christian education from my director. Yesterday, I observed two important things. The first being the passion, the director here has for Christian education. During the seminar, I really saw in her face, her passion and her willingness to sacrifice for this mission. Although, to be honest, the mere amount of stuff that needs to be done everyday is not the best for her family. I respect her passion and sacrifices nonetheless. And second observation occurred over the past month here. We hear a lot about the large super mega duper churches in Korea. But while attending a small church, and seeing many more small churches, I believe the heart of Christianity here in Korea are in these churches. To see so many people gathered yesterday, passionate about bringing change in their own churches, and really changing the community around them was so encouraging. These pastors cannot possibly earn much money, or any at that, but it is a life of faith for them.

****

Busy Busy Busy

Wow it has been ten days since I have last posted, and the last ten days have been busy busy busy. But one thing that I find most interesting is the ease of going to the hospital here in Korea. At the sign of any cold symptoms, my coworkers run to the hospital. And within a few hours, they come back with medicine, or whatever treatment they need. It really makes me question, and see the reality of the health care system in the USA. In the US, to me the hospital is the last resort, I am willing to try anything to cure a sickness, whether that be flu, cold or some minor infection at home before I run to the hospital. I dread the calls ahead of time to make an appointment, I dread the long hours in the waiting rooms, knowing that the air you breathe puts you more at risk for being sick.

~~~

Church has been most refreshing spiritually and emotionally. The other night, after some frustrations at work - I went to church for prayer meeting. And in the small group prayer meeting, I feel that I experienced true fellowship with people I only met a month ago. During the time we were talking about 1st John, Chapters One to Three, and from what I heard from a translator - people were simply honest with their insecurities, their problems, there was trust I have never felt before, there was honesty I have never experienced before. Everyone was unified, everyone was sincere, everyone was true - and that just brought so much joy. What I experienced in that group - I have only experienced before with a few close friends privately. Never in such a large group. It is so encouraging.

~~~

More later........