la separación

la separación
una memoria débil
en mi asiento del coche,
las nubes hinchadas,
el cielo azul,
pío, pío, pío
pasaron los pájaros.

la liberación del asiento,
en los brazos de mi mama,
en mi mano, mi juguete favorito,
un dinosaurio,
un coche rojo,
apreté

una cara extraña,
una sonrisa grande,
tengo miedo.

Mi mama liberó su brazo,
Me regaló a ala cara extraña...

"¿Quién es esta?
Un olor extraño
Mi corazón late aceleradamente
Por qué mi mama me regala
Mi mama deja el cuarto
Mis ojos, mi garganta
lloran y lloran y lloran"

Una día fresco,
por mi espalda,
mi nueva mochila.
En mi mano,
mi nueva caja de almuerzo.
Mi otra mano,
siento el amor de mi mama,
en mi mano, su mano.
Entró en los corredores de la escuela,
por las paredes,
muchos colores,
de los animales,
de las letras,
de los números.
Muchas sonrisas,
de los maestros,
de los adults.
Los chicos, las chicas
todas son caras nerviosas.
Alrededor de la esquina,
los números 372, mi clase.

Otro vez, mi mama
Me deja con otro extranjero.

"¿Cuánto tiempo más?
Cuando mis padres me dejan...
en un sitio nuevo
en una escuela nueva
¿Cuántas veces más?
Necesito entrar en un mundo nuevo
Necesito dejar en ambiente familiar"

- Andrew Luo

recent conversations

One morning, through spotty communication lines, the director here and I engaged in a deep conversation about Christian education. Personally I was not brought up in a Christian family, my family went to church off and on, but none of us really engaged in a meaningful relationship with Christ until recently. Therefore, growing up, sure I had a moral compass and knew what was generally right and what was generally wrong, but I do not think it was as firm as children brought up in the church with faithful families.

In turn, especially in the past I have not been a "good Christian boy". I have made many mistakes in my life, none of which I especially regret, but wished it did not happen the way it did. But two or three years ago, with the help of a friend, I was reintroduced to the Christian faith once again. And selfishly, in an attempt to understand my fellow friends at that time, honestly an attempt to fit in more, I consciously decided to give this Christian faith another try. And to my surprise, God's Word, and the people around me truly made me more fulfilled and at peace than ever before. So in a time of desperation, I believe now, God opened my heart in that way (with selfish thoughts) but He still entered, and I feel that my experience with God is nothing more than a realization of how empty I was before, and how much more fulfilled I have been in the past few years.

That is my life. As I examine and look at the lives of people I know who have been brought up with the Christian faith, in faithful families one thing I worry about is this. With Christian education, the moral compass is clearly defined, either by social conventions at the church, God's Word, parental expectations, whatever it might be, I believe it is more clearly defined. A picture is painted of this world, this is good, and that is bad. And the general feeling, I felt a a youth, and what youth I believe generally feel is that the elder figures at church are perfect. This black and white picture is painted of everyone at church, and there is no one in the gray. Most of the children, being perhaps creatures who want to make their parents happy, abide to the social conventions, God's Word, or parental expectations, live by the moral compass of their church. But as soon as they move away, leave the town, for college for example, without the social pressures, the moral compass falls apart, and many lifelong church goers leave the faith and never return. I wondered why this is? My conclusion was that the Gospel is taught, God is full of love, God is full of grace, God is full of mercy. But let's be honest, many churches are not loving, graceful or merciful. How a youth is cast out as soon as a mistake is made is obvious to any observer. So for many of these youth, I feel that even after almost two decades of church and God, they never experience God's love present in supposedly God's people. And after two decades of people proclaiming God's love, God's ability to fill us, God's mercy and God's grace, when they do not feel it, one conclusion is that this God is not real, and given the choice, or the temptations they leave the church, never to return to the faith.

As I think about who has really touched me in my life, I realize that it is the people who are honest with themselves, and people who are honest to others. This honesty, I refer to, is well defined by Thomas a Kempis in The Imitation of Christ "...a humble knowledge of ourselves..." These people who have touched me, some were Christians, some were not, but regardless, they were confident enough to share their true feelings, their true desires, their true thoughts, to me. And in turn, I felt closeness, and you can say a love for them.

Naturally my thoughts gravitate to the Christian church and the community that is formed within a church. As Colossians 3:12 -14 states "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." The church needs to be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, and all that is stated in this passage. There must be love and perfect unity. Many churches to say the least are not like this. I do not think churches are malicious, by any means, but the body being made up of humans, and naturally we are so selfish and prideful - unknowingly create an atmosphere of judgment and condemnation, not love and forgiveness. I think about how I have felt the love of others, and as stated, it was due to their honesty, so in turn I think as congregation members wherever we may be, to create unity, and for their to be love in a congregation, we have to be honest and true to each other. We must be able to share our deepest secrets, with no sense of a threat from others (in fear of judgment) when we share those intimate details that are hidden.

So, I think the challenge of any church, or Christian education is to genuinely develop a community with love, and forgiveness and honesty, and these youth that grow up in its walls feel a real sense of community and unity. If they feel this from elders at the church, pastors, teachers, and other leaders, or especially their friends, even when mistakes are made, they know who to turn to, and they know who will love and forgive them, regardless of what they have done. And whatever trials or difficulties they encounter, in the future, they know that the Christian community, an authentic Christian community can provide that sense of comfort and peace and love. And no matter how rational we may be, how many arguments are there against the faith, we are emotional creatures, and when we feel that despair, when we feel that loneliness, we look for things to fill our emptiness, and as children who grew up in the church, if they felt that when they were young, will... I believe turn back to the church and the faith to feel its comfort and joy. If when they were young, church was a judgmental environment, church and its people will be the last thing on their minds.

In my life, I realized explicitly that this faith is supposed to be full of self-reflection. The more we honestly think about ourselves, we will know why we do things. To finish the quote from Thomas a Kempis "Therefore, a humble knowledge of ourselves is a surer way to God than is the search for depth of learning." As Christians, we strive to have this personal relationship with God, but what does it really mean? In our prayers we are supposed to be genuine and true to God, for God is all-knowing already, and all-powerful, and we can share our deepest secrets with Him, and through this, we really come to a realization about ourselves, and through this realization, we know ourselves better, and with better knowledge of ourselves, I feel we can draw closer and depend on God more, we realize how low and desperate we are, and at least I have sought God out more.

Just my thoughts from the past few days. I apologize if it is confusing and hard to follow.

Last Day of Camp

As the day started, I was nervous and uneasy, it would be my first time encountering Korean children, who only knew Korean. And yet I was supposed to teach a lesson. But as I met the kids, at the winter camp, my nervousness soon ebbed away. Although they probably did not understand all that I was saying, I realized that it was okay because it was in God's hands.

But the day was filled with so many surprises, never have I met children so well behaved and ready to listen to the teachers. The highlights of the day included a snowball fight, and snowman making contest outside, and also a cooking competition between the classes. Especially during this time, I really saw how well children can work together, and how competent they are working in classes, and teams.

On spiritual note, God is definitely challenging me here. As many of you know, I have a very inquisitive faith. Many times, I have doubts and questions, but what I have found to work for me, is a daily walk with God. I need to spend time with God to grow and even keep the relationship. Perhaps just being around people here, who have such a pure faith, and is working to do good with it, is influencing me, but I am just being challenged each moment to evaluate my own faith.

One passage in the Bible that has really helped me is Romans 10: 2- 4 "For I testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes" Many times I believe that I sought to create my own righteousness, but I am being challenged here of what I believe, and how it can grow to become more true to the Word of God.

At first I was questioning the rhetoric used at times at the school. Things are painted to be black and white, and the only good is God's Word, and all that is bad is the world. But what I realized, and have come to respect is that what the director here and others are trying to do, is to help children grow up with God as their center. Realistically it is such an impossible fight, the world bombards each one of us with distractions from God. But the director here, and others are trying to go purely against this. To have such a pure passion, at a mature age, when they all have seen the world, probably became cynical, is so pure. If it is an impossible fight, it is still one worth fighting. And I am blessed to be here, and learn here. Yes there are still questions, but even with doubts, the fight to bring up loving children is a good and worthwhile battle.

The last couple days have been quite eventful. Yesterday, I went skiing at www.starhillresort.com or Mt.Cheonmasan Ski Resort. Although the resort was not big, never have I been at any place with so many people who look alike, I didn't realize until the last couple days perhaps how much I may stand out in the United States. Also while sitting on a ski lift with a stranger, made me realize how useless I am, all I could manage to respond when the stranger spoke to me was "I don't speak Korean" and upon further inquiry from his part I only said "miguk" while pointing to myself. Of course the conversation ended there.

Today I went to "Nameless Community Church" a very small and warm church. Never have I met so many people able to speak different languages. There were several Koreans, speaking very good Chinese, and another speaking French and some Spanish. Most of them spoke very good English also. Everyone was very kind and nice. Here I can practice my Korean, Chinese and English.

After church, I walked by Lotte World, you know seeing those pictures of Eddie on Facebook in Lotte World, I thought it was like Disney World where it was kind of secluded from the city, never did I realize it was in the middle of Seoul. After walking by Lotte World, we went to an underground market, I forgot what it was called, but one of the shops was Kyobo Bookstore.


Anyways, a more thoughtful post will come soon, just logging in what I did the last couple of days.

First Impressions

As soon as I boarded the plane, I was greeted by primp, proper flight attendants with big smiles! Maybe it was their sky blue uniforms, or their demeanor but it seemed so different from the other international flights I have been on. Everyone on board seemed so calm and happily settling into a 14 hour flight.

Most of the flight was uneventful, so I navigated through my own personal entertainment center and watched The Social Network. The ending scene spoke so truly to I believe many users of Facebook, either desperately seeking the friendship of one person, thinking that with a click on the confirm friendship button, will bring an end to their loneliness. Or others whom religiously garner more friends on Facebook, each friend satisfying a little bit of their solitude. Let's admit it, everyone is guilty to some extent.

But I will stop being emotastic. After the film, I started a conversation with a nearby passenger, and soon discovered that she too was a fan of Murakami. And then we talked about our time in college, faith and religion, all while playing against each other on In Flight Tetris. But soon the slumber hit, and I dozed off with the rumble of those engines ubiquitously roaring.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. As soon as the plane landed, I retrieved my luggage, and after a minor mishap, everything was there. I met with the Teacher Kim, the other teacher Joyce, and stepped outside, I was impressed by Korea. Even in rush hour traffic in Seoul, although there were many cars, there seemed to be a sort of organization in everything. All the drivers were polite and there was no honking. Even the cityscape of Seoul seemed to be well designed and organized. There was a sense of peace to everything.

As we made our way from the airport to Guri, I realized that I would be here for one year. Dinner was fabulous. We went to a restaurant and had kalbi (spelling??). I was very surprised to see that each dinner table was on the floor and everyone sat on their bottoms to eat. But it was comfortable. We went home and I slept.

The next day we met with a Publisher and a Korean missionary in France, more and more do I realize how much I need to learn Korean. >.< But I feel that my reading is improving already, but my vocabulary and speaking needs a miracle. During the afternoon, we picked up Moon at the airport. All in all a good first couple days. Spiritually I feel that it will be a good year, I am impressed by so many faithful stewards here, and hope that this year will be a year of much growth with Christ.

More to come later.
Andrew