Good Friday
I woke up. I heard the rain pattering outside. There was no hint of the sun breaking through the clouds today. Another depressing day, I was in no mood to teach children. But nevertheless the doorbell will ring in an hour or so. As I said "Good Morning" to the director, and coworker - there was an unusual tension, perhaps they are just extra serious, and somber because of Good Friday, because they are seriously thinking about how 2000 years ago, Christ died on the cross. I thought maybe I should take this day more seriously.
Everyone is wearing black, even the children. The Christian parents dressed their children in black. The activities for the day revolved around Good Friday. We had communion, the craft was a crown of thorns with toothpicks. I thought the craft was too serious.
As the day wound to an end. My coworker and director spoke in the car for maybe two hours. I can only imagine what is going on. What they are discussing, what they are unhappy about considering each other. I tell myself it doesn't matter, it doesn't involve me. But their tension changes the environment, changes the feeling at the school, I did not want it to last any longer. I was curious.
Six o' clock. Time to go to church for the Good Friday service. I told my coworker I did not want to go. She told me to go. Part of me really disliked this, I thought I can do what I want. But I went to church. I tried to pray. I felt far from God, empty words come out of my mouth. After church, I hurried home. I was glad there are wonderful people at church whom noticed my unusual demeanor.
I went for a run at 11:oo PM. At the Hangang I ran past what seems to be a battalion of soldiers marching. How strange they marched on public grounds. It sent uneasy feelings given the situation between North and South Korea right now. The soldiers' eyes, each one of them stared at me. I am about their age, but such different circumstances. I ran freely, while they marched with their heavy packs. Their eyes made me run past them faster and faster.
Suddenly "Lord Have Mercy" played on my Ipod, or suddenly I noticed the lyrics.
"Jesus I forgotten the words that you have spoken, promises that burn within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I followed the path of earthly wisdom, forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. I have built an altar, I worship the things of man, I have taken journey's that have drawn me far from you, now I am returning to your mercies ever flowing, part of my transgressions helped me to love you again. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. I have longed to know you, and all the tender mercies, like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end. So I bound my heart for you, in the goodness of your presence, your grace forever shining, like a beacon in the night. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy on me, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me."
This was my prayer. Lord have mercy on me. During prayers at church, I prayed and tried to remember all the times that God was good to me. But it had no effect. Thinking about the past did not affect me. Tonight, after this song, after listening to it countless times, God was telling me, " I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except for me. (John 14:6)
Loving Hut Restaurant
Never has a meal made me feel more depressed. Yesterday, my family ( director's family, myself and a coworker) stumbled into a vegan restaurant. As I walked up the well-lit stairs, I felt strange.
The food looked mediocre, and tasted tolerable. The problem with the restaurant was not the food, but the SUPREME MASTER TV that was playing the whole time. A series of images and numbers designed to scare and manipulate. A series of images and numbers detailing the pain the world has suffered due to wars, to natural disasters, and other causes of death. The solution as advertised by SUPREME MASTER TV is to follow Ching Hai, a spiritual leader who claims that, (in her own words) 1. Be Green, 2. Be Veg, and 3. Be Love will solve all the world's problems, and will rid the world of natural disasters. I do not disagree that being green and vegan may be beneficial, but certainly will not solve all the world's conflicts. I left dinner and unhappy and depressed.
Curious, as soon as I arrived home I searched for Ching Hai. To her credit, she has ostentatiously donated her wealth from her clothing line, jewelry line, restaurant line, to many charities. Although many of the donations, the charities claim never arrived. "How can anyone believe this?" How can anyone be in such a stupor?
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I said the same thing to the Christianity, only a few years ago. The grievances of the Christian church are countless. Christians are equally guilty of spiritual and religious stupor.
But having walked to this point with Christ, and as my conviction grows; I hope that I never fall into spiritual or religious stupor. And only follow how Jesus lived his life, and the Truth.
Proverbs 3:21
My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.
