One morning, through spotty communication lines, the director here and I engaged in a deep conversation about Christian education. Personally I was not brought up in a Christian family, my family went to church off and on, but none of us really engaged in a meaningful relationship with Christ until recently. Therefore, growing up, sure I had a moral compass and knew what was generally right and what was generally wrong, but I do not think it was as firm as children brought up in the church with faithful families.
In turn, especially in the past I have not been a "good Christian boy". I have made many mistakes in my life, none of which I especially regret, but wished it did not happen the way it did. But two or three years ago, with the help of a friend, I was reintroduced to the Christian faith once again. And selfishly, in an attempt to understand my fellow friends at that time, honestly an attempt to fit in more, I consciously decided to give this Christian faith another try. And to my surprise, God's Word, and the people around me truly made me more fulfilled and at peace than ever before. So in a time of desperation, I believe now, God opened my heart in that way (with selfish thoughts) but He still entered, and I feel that my experience with God is nothing more than a realization of how empty I was before, and how much more fulfilled I have been in the past few years.
That is my life. As I examine and look at the lives of people I know who have been brought up with the Christian faith, in faithful families one thing I worry about is this. With Christian education, the moral compass is clearly defined, either by social conventions at the church, God's Word, parental expectations, whatever it might be, I believe it is more clearly defined. A picture is painted of this world, this is good, and that is bad. And the general feeling, I felt a a youth, and what youth I believe generally feel is that the elder figures at church are perfect. This black and white picture is painted of everyone at church, and there is no one in the gray. Most of the children, being perhaps creatures who want to make their parents happy, abide to the social conventions, God's Word, or parental expectations, live by the moral compass of their church. But as soon as they move away, leave the town, for college for example, without the social pressures, the moral compass falls apart, and many lifelong church goers leave the faith and never return. I wondered why this is? My conclusion was that the Gospel is taught, God is full of love, God is full of grace, God is full of mercy. But let's be honest, many churches are not loving, graceful or merciful. How a youth is cast out as soon as a mistake is made is obvious to any observer. So for many of these youth, I feel that even after almost two decades of church and God, they never experience God's love present in supposedly God's people. And after two decades of people proclaiming God's love, God's ability to fill us, God's mercy and God's grace, when they do not feel it, one conclusion is that this God is not real, and given the choice, or the temptations they leave the church, never to return to the faith.
As I think about who has really touched me in my life, I realize that it is the people who are honest with themselves, and people who are honest to others. This honesty, I refer to, is well defined by Thomas a Kempis in The Imitation of Christ "...a humble knowledge of ourselves..." These people who have touched me, some were Christians, some were not, but regardless, they were confident enough to share their true feelings, their true desires, their true thoughts, to me. And in turn, I felt closeness, and you can say a love for them.
Naturally my thoughts gravitate to the Christian church and the community that is formed within a church. As Colossians 3:12 -14 states "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." The church needs to be compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, and all that is stated in this passage. There must be love and perfect unity. Many churches to say the least are not like this. I do not think churches are malicious, by any means, but the body being made up of humans, and naturally we are so selfish and prideful - unknowingly create an atmosphere of judgment and condemnation, not love and forgiveness. I think about how I have felt the love of others, and as stated, it was due to their honesty, so in turn I think as congregation members wherever we may be, to create unity, and for their to be love in a congregation, we have to be honest and true to each other. We must be able to share our deepest secrets, with no sense of a threat from others (in fear of judgment) when we share those intimate details that are hidden.
So, I think the challenge of any church, or Christian education is to genuinely develop a community with love, and forgiveness and honesty, and these youth that grow up in its walls feel a real sense of community and unity. If they feel this from elders at the church, pastors, teachers, and other leaders, or especially their friends, even when mistakes are made, they know who to turn to, and they know who will love and forgive them, regardless of what they have done. And whatever trials or difficulties they encounter, in the future, they know that the Christian community, an authentic Christian community can provide that sense of comfort and peace and love. And no matter how rational we may be, how many arguments are there against the faith, we are emotional creatures, and when we feel that despair, when we feel that loneliness, we look for things to fill our emptiness, and as children who grew up in the church, if they felt that when they were young, will... I believe turn back to the church and the faith to feel its comfort and joy. If when they were young, church was a judgmental environment, church and its people will be the last thing on their minds.
In my life, I realized explicitly that this faith is supposed to be full of self-reflection. The more we honestly think about ourselves, we will know why we do things. To finish the quote from Thomas a Kempis "Therefore, a humble knowledge of ourselves is a surer way to God than is the search for depth of learning." As Christians, we strive to have this personal relationship with God, but what does it really mean? In our prayers we are supposed to be genuine and true to God, for God is all-knowing already, and all-powerful, and we can share our deepest secrets with Him, and through this, we really come to a realization about ourselves, and through this realization, we know ourselves better, and with better knowledge of ourselves, I feel we can draw closer and depend on God more, we realize how low and desperate we are, and at least I have sought God out more.
Just my thoughts from the past few days. I apologize if it is confusing and hard to follow.
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